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43,434 notes

A conversation about marriage (with some classmates)

Classmate #1:
Like, I'm okay with gay people wanting to be with each other. But marriage should be between a guy and a girl.
Classmate #2:
I don't even want to see it. Like, it's nasty.
Me:
Oh my god! I know! My neighbor was talking about how he and his Jewish girlfriend wanna get married and I was like "Why should you two be allowed to get married?" in my head. I mean, why would they think it was okay for a Christian and a Jew to get married. Disgusting.
Classmates:
....
Me:
And let me tell you about this other couple I saw making out at the mall. It was nasty. The boy was white and the girl was black. Can you believe that? Two people of different races being together? That's just wrong.
Classmate #2:
What the hell is wrong with you? So what if they want to be together?
Classmate #1:
Yeah, there isn't anything wrong with it.
Me:
Are you kidding me? It's completely wrong.There is only one kind of marriage that is okay. And that is between a man and a woman of the same race, religious background, with the same income level and from the same place. We wouldn't want kids to think that diversity is okay. God wouldn't appreciate these people ruining the sanctity of marriage.
Classmate #1:
Why are you even in this conversation? God loves everyone.
Me:
What? So you're telling me that God doesn't care who you marry, because he loves everyone?
Classmate #1:
Yeah...
Me:
Does he love animals, too?
Classmate #1:
He loves human and animals and living creatures all around.
Me:
Whoa. That just blew my mind. Well it is a good thing that gay people can't get married then. Because everyone knows that gay people aren't human, or living for that matter. Haha.
Classmate #1:
....
Me:
Go choke on a dick you stupid prick.

45,117 notes

Reader:
Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret?
Lemony Snicket:
Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.

36,290 notes

Television:
In the criminal justice system--
Me:
SEXUALLY-BASED OFFENSES ARE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS. IN NEW YORK CITY, THE DEDICATED DETECTIVES WHO INVESTIGATE THESE VICIOUS FELONIES ARE MEMBERS OF AN ELITE SQUAD KNOWN AS THE SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES. DUN DUN

0 notes

my non-boyfriend male roommate just peed with the door open…

not realizing i’m home or me coming home while you’re already peeing is one thing (and has already happened once WHILE his girlfriend was sitting right by the door and could’ve closed it)… but seriously? i’m like 15 ft from that door, even if i can’t see you. 

i’m all for peeing with the door open. i do it all the time if it’s my mom or sister and i do it if it’s just the boyfriend. but i don’t do it with people i’m not super close to! i didn’t think it was a big deal the first time but this is kind of awkward. #notmybf = not ok! 

Filed under what... roommate awkward da fuck